The Neglect

They said, you've gotta believe in your dreams and the only person who could do that is yourself. But, despite of everything you need someone who will also believe in you. A person who will tell you, that you can do better and nothing is impossible.

But, my heart was torned to wake up in the morning, realizing that the person whom I thought will always stick with me is the first person who mocked at me. Guess, I was only the one who is  holding my hands. Solitary and lonely.

Boy Meets Girl, Girl Meets Boy

You were on a train, you saw this guy, your eyes met, you smiled with each other and from then on you never forgot his face.

You were on a coffee shop, sipping a cup of coffee, then someone caught your attention, there was this beautiful girl whose smile can sink thousands of ships, you never missed out that opportunity so you asked for her number. You left home with a smile thinking that you finally met the 'one.'

Different stories different places, different people. When boy meets girl, it sparks of something new, something we probably called love. It paints sweet curve in our faces. It makes our heart skip a beat and from then on we mentally picture ourselves with that person.

Few days, after your first meet, fate seems have let your paths cross again. You bumped at the place where you first met or you met at that least expected day and place. To some, it was coincidence but for you it was serendipity, a sweet accident perhaps. The next thing you know, you two were dating, you enjoyed the relationship. You met his friends, you met her family. You like your similarities and accepted your differences.

Few weeks, few months or few years, you started to fight with the silliest reasons. You have seen your relationships been through ups and downs. You have discovered that the person whom you have thought you already know have become the person that he/she is not. Then someone, decided to end the relationship. You never thought that it was easy for the other person to decide to end it up, but what can you do, he/she is no longer happy. The relationship ruins both of you and even if it breaks you heart into pieces you need to let go, you just have to. Like all epic love stories, there will always be the one who got away.

The story doesn't end there, after the break up, you have seen yourselves been through hell and back. You become catatonic and you felt that your heart has been alienated. For some it took months or years. The pain will always there and not a day in you life that you never blamed the day that you met. You wished it never occur, you wished to skip that day. But at the back of your mind, it made you happy once in a while but your heart was too clouded by pain. All that is left are the bittersweet memories.

One day, not like those typical, weary days. For the longest time, you have win back that smile. The smile you have missed for awhile. It doesn't mean that you are okay, but you have finally let yourself believe that it's really over and it's about time to 'live' again.

Not all love stories ends up with a happy ending and not all 'boy-meets-girl' ends up with a love story. Most of the time, it is just a story of  a boy meets girl. Period. Full stop.

DISCLAIMER:

I did not intend to be pesimmistic. This entry is greatly inspired by 500 Days of Summer movie.

12:15 AM Home

The street was in a mute silence. The cold wind brought chills in my spine. The dark street seemed haunted and yet I was walking down the street weary and wearing my white uniform. I'm about to go home.

... and I wonder how many people, just like me, who can't decide if they wanted to take a step forward or to finally stop and move backward. I wonder how many people, just like me, who can't decide if they wanted to save themselves from drowning or to just loosen the grip and let their selves drown.

Life is full of shit yet you are given no choice but to take it.

The Pain in Silence

This place was deserted, it was haunted, cold and long dead. There was you and me, but there was no us. All I can see is a stranger, silent, vengeful. But, I can no longer bear this kind of pain. To not talk to you, to pass through you like nothing happened, to look at you with such apathy. It shattered my heart into pieces. You left me alone, sitting in this damn ungodly, ugly room where all I can hear is the beat of my heart pounding against my chest. This silence deafens me. I get exhausted waiting for one single word to break this wall between us.

Insanity Tuesday

Today, I was supposed to have an afternoon duty. My shift starts at 4pm and ends at 12MN. So supposedly, I have to set my alarm clock at 2 or 2:30 pm and I must set off at 3pm sharp so that I won't be late.

But...

Because I was too insane, I set it on 3pm. In between naps, I woke up and even check my phone, it was 2:30 pm there yet I said, the alarm hasn't rang yet. When it's 3 pm, the alarm rang. I prep myself out and I'm about to go, all in my white suit. I was about to step out from our house when I checked my phone again to see what time is it. It says 3:10 PM. I paused, in deep thinking, even deeper thinking and booom! Crap! I was late! All this time. I felt that I was the most insane person on that time.

In the end, I end up unpacking my things, unwearing my clothes and I went back to sleep just where I was supposed to be. Silly me!

Monday Ranting

What's the point of meeting half way when you are the judge and the jury. I was persecuted without you hearing my side. I tried to calm down, explain my part but you never listened. Perhaps, I was never really that important to you but you have to consider that it hurts me, every second of it to know that you are mad at me.

Two Hearts, One Love

Let me tell you upfront that this blog is not about me announcing to the whole world that I am getting married, so I'm sorry to burst your bubble about it.

All my friends know that I am into a long term relationship,7 years to be exact. Not a day in my life, they keep on asking and even plea to put a ring on it. The pressure disgust me, but at the core of my heart of course I want to get married. When you are in a serious relationship, the idea of marriage is always present. You wanted to spend the rest of your days with the one that you truly love, to sleep and wake up with him is the sweetest kind of feeling.

It is always a total misunderstanding that marriage is the end product of everything, well blame it to movies and fairy tales. Truth is, it is the other way around, marriage is the beginning of everything.

Marriage, is something that shouldn't be rushed, for some it happens when it happens but majority marriage is something that should be well planned.

The idea of marriage scares me too. I grow up with not so happy family I saw how my parents struggle to keep a happy family but most of the time they fail. Sometimes, I thought that if this would be the kind of married life I'll be getting into, it's better not to.

Marriage is a bind, it is a commitment of a lifetime. When you commit yourselves on it, there is no turning back. It is a gift. A gift from God that out of 6 billion  people in the world, two hearts was created to become one.