I listened to his heart because it is playing my favorite song

I listened to his heart because it is playing my favorite song.

I was wrapped by your arms, you are squeezing me so tight and I've got my ears against your chest, I can smell your masculine scent, it was dearly romantic. I can barely hear your heartbeat,"lub-dub" it was in normal pacing, I can almost count it.  I was close enough that I can feel it as it flutters up and down. It was warm and real and terrific and marvelous and for instant I know it is something different, I was ecstatic. It was the sweetest music ever.

       

The Passenger Seat

We were on the car. You were driving and I was on the passenger's seat. We tell tales of how things work out for that day. We have this melodramatic music on our background and we sang together even if we are out of tune, we laughed at our out heart's content and suddenly in the middle of the sentence, in the middle of something our eyes met and we said "I love you"

Minutes have passed, the rain poured hard, there were thunders and lightnings and all I can see are people running here and there. I was in trance by that time I was thinking of something that made me worried I know you already know about it. I know you can smell the change of my mood but you just let me. There were dead silence and all I can hear are the raindrops falling outside the window and the instrumental song played on the background, all I can hear was the lovely music on my ears, it's quite selective though and suddenly out of nowhere his hand glide down my arms and folds over my hands. His fingers ran through my mine and our palms were kissing. We were holding hands, it wasn't out first but I marvelled at it, every second of  it. It seems that we know each other more that even our hands instinctively sought for each other to give comfort, to give assurance and to give love.

The Fifth Vital Sign

It was sudden. I was caught off guard. I knew it would happened but I never expected that it was the worst kind of pain I have ever felt in my entire life. I was ineffable, all I did was closed my eyes, felt my heart thumping hard against my chest, I felt my pores dilated wide and I sweat coldly yet profusely, for a moment I held my breathing thinking that this would aid me to ease the pain but it didn't happen all I can see were visions of me in the edge of a cliff wanting to jump off and put a stop in everything.

  

I cannot stand being awake, the pain is too much.

... And in my mind I was screaming at the top of my lungs, asking and begging for help but nobody screamed back, I felt I was alone, solitary maybe. I tried to touch something, someone must be there holding me back when I almost lost my senses but nobody there to hold my hand back and I was there lying in utter sadness. That was the most helpless traumatic point in my life, I thought that it's going to end soon but it wasn't.. As the scalpel excise my skin, I saw a gush of blood, it was undeniably real yet I'm still

 ...alive

The Waiting

As I see the world in flashback, there was momentary bliss.

Waiting is never easy just like how I waited everyday for my bus every time I go to work, just like how I waited for the next installment of my favorite movie to be released in years after, just like how I waited for my favorite food in a cafeteria when I am so hungry, just like how I waited to end my shift abruptly, just like how I waited for the right person to come along, just like how I waited for the darkness to steal away the light, just like how I waited for my chest to rise and fall to clearly know that I am still alive. Waiting is the most crucial part, it is the most excruciating thing ever. Oftentimes, we keep on complaining when we have waited long enough but does this made us realized that life is simply about waiting for the perfect time?

The Everyday Struggle

There's something about my BED. A monster perhaps.. I always felt hypnotized, I think it has a force on it, something like magnetism that pulls me towards it. I struggled against it but the force is eating me. I was weak, helpless and yet I was struggling with all the energies that I have.

Tik tok! 6:00AM. The alarm rings.

Snoozed.

Tik tok! 6:30AM. The alarm rings.

Snoozed.

Tik tok! 6:45. The alarm rings.

Crap!

I woke up with a heavy heart. First stretch in the morning was not that relieving, I know it will be more satisfying if I would have done it around 7:30 AM at least. Now, there goes the battle of angel/devil. To go or not to go. I kept on muttering, goodness should prevail. My muttering continued.. I know I can do this.. This is just a simple battle that I have to face, if I can't even fight waking up early in the morning how much more when I have to face bigger waves of enemies on the real battlefield.

Finally, I have fought against that 'hypnotism.' I stood with fake elegance, eyes closed, flimsy senses, ambivalent mindset.

Now my right eye is half open, I peeked through the window, the sun is up, it was indeed a sunny and good weather, I know I should not waste that great day so I put on my battle armour and said: "This is gonna be another lazy day but I have to be certain of my priorities."

I bathe,as the cold water impacts on my jaded body, a gush of stimulation arrived. I know, I daresay that I am awake,my eyes were widely opened, pores breathing freely through the environment, my heart swiftly thumping against my chest, now this is something weird because I know 'cold environment' is a vasoconstrictor thus the physiologic effects should be the other way around, but I was invigorated instead. I passed the first test. I grinned.

I'm all set, ate my breakfast, prepared my things and I'm off..

Now, the battle continued, waiting. I have to wait for the bus, it took minutes or something over an hour. I released a big sigh. I know I was not that convince to push through this struggle even doubting if I have done what I really want but this is not all about want but rather the thing that is 'right' So I shake off my head as if trying to erase the ideas on my head.

Few minutes after, there goes the one I've been waiting. I took lazy strides towards it. I wanted to turn my head back and just went through my waiting bed but fought against the feeling and I stepped inside the bus. Now, as I was sitting in the bus, the air of rural air caressed my face and tangled my hair. It was good, I was enervated.

Minutes have passed, I arrived on the real battlefield. It was the same as ever, nothing really special, it isn't my dream place, fowl smelling, contagious diseases are everywhere, strangers and some familiar faces but nothing really special as I said but something brought me here.. this is the place I am working and I have no choice but to live here 40 hours of my week.

I felt guilty inside, but maybe everybody does. We all get to face the same struggle, it was not that easy, it is exasperating actually but when I look upon myself I know I felt victorious, I know I was more than a lazy girl today.

But this is life all about, full of struggles, full of hardships... Apparently, life is an endless battle from womb to tomb.

The Persistent Search

I searched for something, I didn't find it.

When will I ever see it? Hours,months, years or might as well take a lifetime to finally find it.

When you search for something you will only want the best, even the most perfect for you. You know why? Because you are worth the best the world could ever offer. Along the road, you will see the beauty of similarities and differences; shapes- big or small,sizes- tall or short; skin tone- tanned or fair; colors- black or white. Life is fickle; you are mazed with choices, and from that choices there goes another sub-choices. We get to judge according into different perspectives- sometimes we get too lazy and we only choose what is immediate however, well, most of the time we choose what is the best, something that will put our senses into immense satisfaction. Satisfactions, might be immediate or might be the other way around, there are those that are long-lasting and permanent.

At the end of the day, it is not actually what the 'choice you made' but it is all about the 'search'.

Pretty sure, the 'chase' is worth the 'catch'

I Wrote This For Her: The Prologue

Today, a random blog caught my attention, it is one of the most inspiring blog ever and suddenly I asked myself, "When was the last time I wrote something about my self?"

Yes,I did write but they were not merely writing they were selling. Writing is my solace. So I've got a 30 day Journal about my daily experiences and life's lessons,I entitled this I Wrote this For Her. Now, I'm on the clock today is day #1.

I didn't promise that this is gonna be easy, that is why I called it a 'challenge' but that is something good about me, I loved to be challenge but it's okay that sometimes fate let me win and just like all wonderful stories, it starts with...



Once upon a time..